赞扬是一门学问(二) 接受赞扬

对不少人来讲,接受赞扬比给予赞扬更难。中国有谦虚的美德,接受别人的赞扬,不就等于不够谦虚嘛?
常见的做法往往有这几种:

1. 否认或自我贬低 (denial or self-insult)

Compliment: Your cookies taste so good!
Response: Thank you, but I was not really that good at cooking.

Compliment: You looked very confident and your speech was very articulate. I liked it.
Response: Really? I thought I looked very nervous in front.

我们这样回答往往是怕显得自大,不好意思接受。而实际上拒绝赞扬,就像一个别人赠送的礼物,却被拒绝一样。夸赞你的人听了这样的回答其实并不舒服。

2. 试图解释说另有原因 (credit transfer)

Compliment: Your poster is one of the best in this session.
Response: It was Peter who did the good work. I was merely there to present it.

我们把赞扬就这样拱手相让了,用这种方式暗示给对方—I don’t deserve the compliment. 我们真想给别人这样的印象吗?

3. 立即回赠赞扬 (returning a compliment right away)

Compliment: What a cute sweater!
Response: Thanks. I like yours better.

回答时也赞扬对方貌似没毛病, 但立刻给出这样回答往往不是真心的赞扬,而只是表现我们的礼貌,缺少真诚。

那么该怎样去接受赞扬呢?

当别人给你赞扬时,把它当作是一件礼物,最好的做法就是大方接受。一句“Thank you.”一般就足够了。或稍加延伸, 如:
“Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say so.”
“Thanks, I appreciate the compliment. ”
“Thanks, I am glad you liked it.”
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

如果被赞扬的事物确实有同事朋友的功劳,承认别人的贡献但不要否定自己的那部分。比如:

“Steve and I put a lot of effort in it. Thanks for acknowledging our hard work.”
“Thanks, Lisa and Susan were also involved in this project. I will let them know you like what we’ve put together.”

 

最后让我们来看看脱口秀女王Oprah Winfrey是怎样优雅大方的接受夸赞的吧。

在一次访谈中Julia Roberts大赞Oprah对美国文化和社会发展做出的成就。Oprah微笑倾听,待对方说完,回答:“Thank you. That was my goal.”

相关阅读: 

赞扬是一门学问(一)给予赞扬

如何说“NO”

小组讨论或开会时的发言技巧