You’ve probably heard more than once, “Don’t compare yourself to others.” It’s often said that stopping this comparison will help reduce stress and allow you to be yourself.
But the truth is, social comparison is a fundamental part of human behavior. According to American psychologist Leon Festinger, individuals have an inherent drive to evaluate their own abilities and beliefs, and social comparison is one of the primary ways we do this.
While constant comparison can certainly lead to stress and become a huge distraction, some level of comparison is not only necessary but also unavoidable.
Of course we don’t compare ourselves to everyone, only those who meet certain standards: similarity, relevance, and proximity.
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Similarity: We are more likely to compare ourselves with others who are similar to us in certain ways, such as age, education level, and specialties. Comparing with similar others gives us more useful information to evaluate ourselves in a particular domain.
Relevance: The comparison targets must be relevant to our own assessment needs. For instance, when we evaluate our professional success, we are likely to compare ourselves with those in the same profession.
Proximity: we likely compare ourselves to those in our immediate geographic environment or social circles. For example, we tend to compare ourselves with similar others in our neighborhood or city (such as classmates, friends or family members), but less likely to compare to similar others in a distant area.
These standards kind of explain why we rarely compare ourselves with celebrities or billionaires such as Bill Gates, but more often we compare ourselves with someone who is similar to us, especially those with relevant characteristics and within our immediate environment.
Let’s look at two major forms of comparison: upward comparison and downward comparison. Each type of comparison has its own benefits and harms.
Start with upward comparison It is when we compare ourselves to someone perceived as more successful in some way, such as ability, finance, achievement.
There are some benefits in upward comparison. This type of comparison is typically motivating. Seeing others who are more skilled and successful can motivate us to set higher goals and work harder towards them. But upward comparison can also prompt negative results, such as feeling inferior or self-doubt when compared with someone more successful. Constantly trying to match or exceed others can result in stress and pressure, even burnout.
What about downward comparison? It occurs when we compare ourselves to others who are perceived as less successful than us, such as lower achievements and poorer relationships. This type of comparison can provide some sense of relief and satisfaction, help boost our self-esteem. It helps us feel better about our own situation. But constant downward comparison will make us lose motivation to improve ourselves since we already feel better off than others. It may also cause devaluation of others and even prejudice.
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Next time when you find yourself comparing yourself with others, instead of shutting it down totally, give yourself permission to do so within a reasonable boundary. After all, It’s just part of our inherent human behaviors. The key is not to avoid social comparison, but to be mindful in using it appropriately to benefit us.